The Master, otherwise known as Mr. Noel Coward, once opined through song: “Why do the wrong people travel when the right people stay at home?”
Coward came up with umpteen scenarios that proved that the right people should have been traveling, but, try as he might, he stopped short of an answer as to why that wasn’t the case.
Now, thanks to the good folks at SheFinds.com, you can at least look like you’re one of the “right” people in the course of your travels. One or more of 10 celebrity travel styles profiled in a recent story should fit the bill. Even for the charisma challenged.
Here are 10 dos and don’ts that, as the article’s author notes, “…will ensure you don’t look a hot mess when you’re traveling this summer”:
Leave the heels at home
Despite photos of people like Victoria Beckham looking completely comfortable with an extra 4 to 6 inches of spike beneath their ankles, this one is a double no-brainer: Only a select few look remotely comfortable traveling this way, and you’re much likelier to draw the attention of TSA dudes…all of whom have foot fetishes.
For a better experience, sling on those flats.
But not just any style of flat, and certainly not the flip-flop variety. Take a cue from Jessica Alba, whose ballet flats apparently lend just the right spice of artiste…even for the TSA dudes, all of whom know art when they see it.
There are the occasional photos of sweats-clad celebs, some of whom manage to look even sexier in their gym garb than they might in formal wear. As SheFinds aptly reminds, these are the same people who model lingerie. Unless that’s you, ditch the baggy cotton pants and wear something a little less, shall we say, figure-detracting.
Maxi dress? Yes!
Apparently wearing what used to be called a Granny Dress provides an advantage if the airplane’s atmosphere gets a little on the chilly side. Should you dress this way and meet Mr. Dreamy, though, chances are that the atmosphere will ice over really quickly. Which opens the door to the very practical possibility of designing a convertible version that loses the bottom half with a simple flick of the wrist, even with Sky Mall magazine in hand.
How many women have you seen walking through airports without a designer scarf or handbag…who weren’t also dealing with small children or serving as a stabilizing force for an elderly companion? None. Do not be the first. Besides, some wearable accessories are keepable through security, which just might encourage that special TSA dude to go for a pat down “to see what’s under the scarf, ma’am.”
Huge hats? No!
If Paris Hilton’s rather boring appearance can’t be overshadowed by a huge floppy hat, what makes you think the inflated gaucho look will do anything positive for you? It won’t. A little secret: Huge hats only make the person wearing them look silly, which places even more focus on your style choices. Ditto for tiara-like chapeaus. Headbands, though, are probably OK, if kept to a discreet width and color. Think Betty and Veronica.
Makeup matters (see #5, above)
As in, just a touch here and there. Not as in, mounds of plaster flattened over every facial surface. SheFinds says that an industrial-coverage look could smudge should you fall asleep mid-flight. We say that there could be damning evidence left behind should you, again mid-flight, attempt to initiate yourself into the Mile High Club.
Well, if you’re going to go to the trouble of copying a celebrity look, how do you hope to succeed without the appropriate shaded eyewear? Besides, it keeps ‘em guessing. And saves on eye makeup. And wrinkle cream.
Dump excess baggage
Really, this ought to be the one lesson that most every celebrity, from Brangelina to Oprah…sort of…has taught, literally and figuratively. Celebrities didn’t become celebrities (except for Mama Cass, Kathy Bates and Roseanne) by maintaining the eating habits of a multinational expeditionary force. Neither have many, other than certain circus performers, risen to the top by packing gear like one. Best bet: Fit all baggage, of every variety, into the overhead compartment.
Pack, don’t wear, novelty outfits
This rule does not apply if said novelty outfit has the generally accepted effect of making you look seriously hot. Though we caution, in summertime especially, that air travel is quite often a family affair. On the other hand, a two-piece orange outfit that bares the midriff and features horizontal and vertical black stripes is best left in the suitcase. Or at home. Or in the “free” pile at the garage sale where you first saw it. Not even a lingerie model could make that one work.
As Coward himself concluded, “Millions of tourists are churning up the gravel while they gaze at St. Peter’s Dome, but why oh WHY do the wrong people travel when the right people stay at home…and play canasta?”